


SNS AU #1 Written Chapters

by 94_chanbaek



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Rape, Slut Shaming, past sexual harrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 20:37:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/94_chanbaek/pseuds/94_chanbaek
Summary: Just any written parts too long and/or triggering to be posted directly on Twitter





	SNS AU #1 Written Chapters

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT IGNORE THE TAGS! If these topic could trigger you, please refrain from reading. Your safety is most important. I tried to make at not very graphic, since I didn't want to depict that scene with too much detail, but what's mentioned could be enough to trigger someone. So please be careful.
> 
> I in no way, shape or form condone the events that took place in Baekhyun's past. The scene described is merely a story and does not reflect my own opinion on the matter.
> 
> Once again, DO NOT IGNORE THE TAGS!

Baekhyun fidgeted nervously from his place on the edge of the bed, biting his bottom lip as he saw Chanyeol eating the waffles he prepared. The giant seemed to enjoy them, which was a good thing, but that hadn’t been what made Baekhyun so nervous. Finally, after so long, Baekhyun was going to open up to Chanyeol. Sehun was right, it was time to do it, to be honest with him, to  _ tell _ him what happened. 

He didn’t know what Chanyeol’s reaction would be, and was sure he would leave him after finding out. After all, Baekhyun knew he was dirty, disgusting, and unworthy. He wouldn’t blame Chanyeol if he got angry at him, if he started viewing him as less, even. It was what he expected.

...But a small, hidden part of him also hoped for a different outcome. Deep down, he wanted to believe Sehun’s words and maybe Chanyeol wouldn’t look at him differently, would accept him. Sehun didn’t know what happened, though, so Baekhyun couldn’t be too confident in that statement. 

Still, he tried to hold on to it as he kept repeating himself that it was indeed time to speak up, to tell Chanyeol everything, so Chanyeol could decide what to do after. 

“Did you eat already?” Asked Chanyeol, staring at Baekhyun with a light of curiosity and worry in his eyes. 

Baekhyun shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

Chanyeol frowned at that. “But you should eat, Baek. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here, have some of mine,” said Chanyeol as he cut a piece of his waffle and offered it to Baekhyun.

The smaller wanted to protest, but he knew just how stubborn Chanyeol could be, so instead, he leaned over and allowed Chanyeol to feed him. Smiling proudly, Chanyeol alternated between feeding the smaller and feeding himself until the plate was clean. 

“That was delicious, Baek. Thank you so much,” he said before he grabbed his cup of orange juice before he handed it to Baekhyun, silently telling him to have some. Once again, Baekhyun did as he asked. 

When everything was cleared and Chanyeol had taken the dishes downstairs to wash them -he insisted since Baekhyun was the one who prepared breakfast-, Baekhyun stayed sitting in the same place as before as he took deep breaths, trying to calm his erratic heart. He wasn’t ready, but he knew in his heart that it was the right thing to do, and so he would do it. 

Baekhyun didn’t speak when Chanyeol came back and sat next to him, the both of them leaning against the headboard. 

“You okay?” asked Chanyeol after a while, probably sensing how jittery and nervous Baekhyun actually was. 

Baekhyun wanted to say yes and forget about his plan to be honest with Chanyeol, leaving everything as it was. Nothing would change if he didn’t tell Chanyeol the truth, Chanyeol would stay by his side, he wouldn’t find him dirty or anything, right? 

But that wasn’t the right thing to do and Baekhyun knew that. It was time to be honest with the giant. It’s what he owed him.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said, his voice low and small as he stared down at his fingers.

“I’m all ears,” said Chanyeol, reaching over to squeeze Baekhyun’s hands before pulling away.

Baekhyun swallowed several times and took a couple of deep breaths before he found himself ready to speak, or at least as ready as he would ever be.

“You know my parents have never cared much for me or my brother. All they care about is us getting good grades and a degree before taking over all their businesses. I’m sure you remember that my brother was the one to look after me, to take care of me, before he left for Europe when I was seven to study, and that when he came back, he got married. He checks on me constantly, but we haven’t really seen each other in years. He’s too focused on running the business while I finish my studies and I...feel too ashamed to face him.”

Baekhyun ran his tongue over his lips to give himself a moment to breathe. “You, Junmyeon and Yixing were the only other people who cared about me, you know? And you have always been the most special person in my life, the one I care about the most. That hasn’t changed, even if I’ve made it seem like it. I have a reason for having pushed you away and I hope that you can forgive me someday for it, but if you don’t, I’ll understand that too.

“Anyway, I don’t know if you remember that I was always really bad at Math. No matter how much I studied, I could never understand the subject. You used to help me a lot, but the results were never enough for my parents, so they decided to get me different tutors until I got the scores they wanted. None of it worked, none could teach me properly, so my parents got mad. Just like now, they were never home, but when they did come, they would take it upon themselves to remind me just how fucking stupid I was for being bad at Math. It didn’t matter that I had the highest scores in the rest of my classes. If I wasn’t good in  _ all  _ of them, then I was a failure.

“Do you remember Mr. Lee?” Asked Baekhyun, his voice low as he felt his stomach revolt itself at the mere thought of that man. 

“Ugh, how can I not? Our parents used to invite him and his family over all the time for dinner,” said Chanyeol. “Disgusting creep.”

“Yeah, he was…” Baekhyun couldn’t finish the statement. “Well, when we were fifteen, he started to teach the Advanced Math courses at school.”

“I remember that, yeah,” replied Chanyeol.

“And since my parents were so confident in his teaching skills, since they’d known him since their highschool days, they asked him to tutor me.”

“I do remember that too.”

“It was okay at first. I would go to his classroom after school every Tuesday and Thursday, he would explain, I would try to make like I understood even if I didn’t, and then I would go home with you. But then…” Baekhyun could feel his heart start to beat really fast as his mind started to flash memories of everything through his mind. “He started to make certain advances. At first, I thought it was my imagination. There was no way that an old, married man who knew my parents since high school would think about me that way, right?”

Baekhyun could feel tears build in his eyes as he continued to remember. “I would try my best to move away from him whenever he got too touchy, just hoping for him to leave me alone, but it never happened. If anything, it seemed like he enjoyed seeing me like that. And then one day…”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun had to stop for a moment to try to keep himself in check, even if his heart wanted to jump out of his chest and even if he was on the verge of hyperventilating. He had to continue though. He told himself he would be honest, and so he had to do it. He had to see this through. 

“It seemed like any other afternoon, you know? He was touchy and made sexual remarks that made me extremely uncomfortable. I was at a point where I would just try to solve every problem he gave me just to be able to get out of there as fast as possible.It didn’t work, though. Not that afternoon when he was more forward and continued to grab my ass and touch my thighs, even if I moved away. For the first time, even, I asked him to stop, but that only pushed him to do it more, until he- he-” Baekhyun noticed how hard his hands were shaking. “He p-pìnned me against his desk. I tried to push him away, I tried to fight him, but he was much stronger and I just- I froze and he ripped my pants off and I couldn’t do anything and he just-”

Chanyeol grabbed his hands at that and squeezed them tightly. He didn’t stop Baekhyun, though, and even if he was feeling horrible and scared, he silently thanked him. He needed to finish speaking first. 

“I can still remember how much it hurt and how I begged him to stop, but he didn’t. He did as he pleased and I allowed him, I couldn’t stop him. I was too weak.”

Baekhyun stopped speaking and squeezed Chanyeol’s hands tightly as he allowed himself to cry for a moment. He wasn’t finished, he was far from that actually, but he needed a moment to collect himself before he continued. Thankfully, Chanyeol didn’t say anything, he only allowed for Baekhyun to hold onto his hands as tightly as he needed to. 

“I don’t know how I managed to get home that day. I remember you were sick, so you couldn’t walk back with me, and I was grateful because there was no way I could hide this from you. 

“I planned to get home and shower before going to bed. I was already even thinking of ways to skip school the following day because there was no way I wanted to go back and see that...that man. I couldn’t do that, though, since my parents were home when I arrived and made sure to scold me for looking so messy.

“I thought about going upstairs and hiding the incident from them. I felt too ashamed and angry and sad and filthy. But maybe they could comfort me, you know? And protect me because they’re my parents, right?” Baekhyun smiled sadly at the memory. “So, even through my pain, I showed them the blood and the semen. They saw the bruises and how badly I was feeling, how fidgety and out of it, they saw me distressed and crying like never before. I begged them to believe me, to do something about it, to report him, something, but they got mad...with me.”

He took a deep breath as he looked up at the roof. “They said it was my fault. They trusted him, their friend from high school. They said they knew his character, they said he would never be capable of doing something like that. Whatever happened was my fault, that I was nothing but a dirty, disgusting little slut that decided to seduce him. They claimed they’d always known I was worthless and stupid and an attention seeker and that I was a disappointment.”

A sob escaped his chapped lips, but even then, he didn’t stop. “And so I went to my room and cried as I washed myself, what happened and their words running in my mind. I believed them, you know? They were my parents. If they said all this, then it had to be true, right? Parents always know best anyway.”

Another sob escaped, and then another. He took a deep breath, though, needing to finish his story. “I was so ashamed of myself, so embarrassed. I grew sick that night, I had a fever, and I had nightmares, so I couldn’t sleep at all, but still, my parents made me go to school after yelling at me and repeating just what they said the night before. I told myself I would pull through, that I would act like nothing happened, that I would hide my pain and I would ignore that man. It would be okay, right? No one had to know. Until...until I saw you waiting for me outside your house, still a little sick, but recovered enough to go to school. 

“I couldn’t look you in the eye. You’ve always meant too much to me, Yeollie. You’re my most precious treasure, my shining star, my valuable angel, and I...I was tainted now, dirty, corrupted. I was a slut that seduced an older man and made him do stuff that you could never know about. You were too pure, Yeollie, and I was not. I was a slut, a whore...I didn’t deserve to have you in my life. Not after what happened. And so that’s why I said what I said, why I said I didn’t want to be friends anymore, that I wanted to hang out with cool people, and all that shit I can’t even remember right now.

“The days that followed, I tried my best to ignore the man, but it was impossible. I had to go to a couple more tutoring sessions where he- he- did the same. Thankfully, I managed to change to another Math group eventually to avoid seeing him and my parents stopped making me go to tutoring with him, thinking I would pull something again and end up ruining his life over my ‘childish behavior.’ I couldn’t erase what happened from my mind, though. It felt like my body wasn’t mine anymore. Someone else did something to me, something I apparently provoked somehow even if I didn’t know how. I felt detached, gross, dirty and so, to try to control my body again, to tell everyone that I was the one who would decide who got to touch me, I started to sleep around with anything and anyone. I wasn’t too selective, all I needed was for them not be you. 

“The first few times were horrible. I cried and had to try my best to calm myself so as not to freak whoever was fucking me. It got better with time, though, but that feeling of emptiness and disgrace never really went away, and it got worse with time. These days, I feel like there’s nothing inside me, like I’m a shell living day to day as best I can, studying to keep my parents off my back and fucking anyone because that’s what sluts do.”

Baekhyun gulped when he finished and smiled sadly. “I know I’ve hurt you with my attitude, but I do believe it’s for the best. You had to stay away from me for your own good and everything I’ve done, from ignoring you to being a total ass has been me trying to make it clear that you shouldn’t have me in your life. It succeeded for a while, but then...we slept together and it all went to shit.”

A new bout of tears escaped his eyes. “I’ve ruined you, haven’t I? To think that you had sex with someone as filthy as me makes me want to vomit. You deserve better, Yeollie. What we did shouldn’t have happened and I wish I could take it back. You were so pure before I touched you and now I’m terrified of just how much I could have possibly affected you, how much I could be  _ affecting _ you by staying by your side, you know?”

Biting his bottom lip, Baekhyun felt his shoulders relax at that statement, knowing that everything he’d been hiding was finally out in the open. He was terrified of looking into Chanyeol’s eyes, though, of seeing the same disgust in his eyes that Baekhyun saw reflected in his own when he looked in the mirror. Chanyeol was still holding on to his hands tightly, though, which gave Baekhyun a tiny sliver of hope. Taking a deep breath he raised his head and met Chanyeol’s eyes. 

To Baekhyun’s shock, there was no contempt or resentment or hate there. Instead, Baekhyun found sadness, pain, fear, and even love. Tears stained the giant’s cheeks and his lips wobbled as he studied Baekhyun’s features. 

“Baekhyunnie,” he said at last as he pulled the smaller into a tight hug. “My Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun returns the hug, clutching the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt tightly, his body shaking as he finally allowed himself to cry the way he’d needed to for years. 

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, except ‘Baekhyunnie, my Baekhyunnie’ over and over, and it was okay. Baekhyun knew that what he said was a lot to grasp and Chanyeol would need time before he could fully wrap his mind around it all. And even then, Baekhyun knew maybe Chanyeol wouldn’t know what to say either, which would be okay too. 

If anything, all Baekhyun needed was to be reassured Chanyeol didn’t hate him, and judging from his reaction, Baekhyun figured that wasn’t that case. And honestly, that was all he needed for the moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @94_chanbaek


End file.
